The last few months...

Hello!

It has been a while since I posted anything online, so I have to admit it feels a bit strange to be writing again. I have a pretty good excuse for my lack of commitment though :-) I am now just over 6 months pregnant with my first child! As someone who has always been very maternal, and at the ripe old age of 37, I am absolutely delighted to be pregnant. I really wasn't sure if it was going to happen for me but last year a friendship became romantic and things have been moving quickly for us both, and we couldn't be more excited.

Our baby girl at just 13 weeks, sucking her thumb and kicking around

So I thought it quite apt to write a little bit about change, stepping into the unknown, and the fears that can come with that. I have always been quite a fearless character, travelling the world, often alone, and sometimes in quite dangerous places. And yet none of that was a touch on the experience of bringing new life into this world. I am not sure that I have ever cared about anything like this before, and that has terrified me. It's a lot easier to live without fear when there is not so much at risk, and I seem to value this little growing life inside of me more than my very own.

Big change has entered my life and I have oftentimes felt very out of control. My body has been changing, my mind has been changing, and my future changing dramatically. What has guided me through these changes so beautifully has been my experiences and practices from the last 10 years. Embracing change, allowing the fears to arise, accepting whatever thoughts and feelings I have without judgement - because my first 3 months were very low and challenging - and taking care of my physical and emotional needs. This is what got me through to the place where I have been for the last 3 months, sublimely excited and in love with being pregnant. Of course I have my lower, tired, sicky moments, but I mostly feel peaceful.

I have wondered if I would write again for a while, but I think that if you have found a way to live that brings you more peace, then it should be shared with others. There is so much unrest and disturbance within our minds and bodies these days, and it seems like there is also a lot of hopelessness about our worldly situations, but I am telling you that there is hope. No matter what is going on out there, we have the right to internal peace and joy, without shame or guilt, and we access it through correct effort. There are people living in war zones mustering up the courage to stay strong, be kind and support others. We can inspire far more positive change in the world from this place than from a place of fear, anger and resentment, not to mention the benefits we get for feeling this way.

As I have been so profoundly reminded these last 6 months, everything that we do in this life creates a ripple effect that the children will inevitably experience, whether they are born from you or not, and I care more about that now than I ever have. Another reminder is that growth and life doesn't come without some discomfort, and life which is always in the comfort zone gets very dull very quickly!

xxx